I’ve been pregnant five times in my life. FIVE.

Thats a big number. I have 4 living children. I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t remember the loss that I suffered back in early November of 2002.

I was 6 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. I didn’t know what the heck was going on but once the pain showed up I knew. I went to the hospital and was told I was having a miscarriage there was nothing I could do I had to go home and wait it out, they gave me a prescription for the pain with instructions I was to go back in for an Ultrasound the next day. So, I did. There was no heartbeat on the baby at this time, but it was still in there. So, I had to keep waiting.

Later on that day I passed a HUGE ball with lots of blood on it on some toilet paper. I of course being the sicko I am washed it off and looked at it. it wasn’t red, it didn’t look like blood it was a beige looking thing with black in the center which I couldn’t figure out what it was. There was 2 lines down the side and it just looked like a pear shaped blob. It was not what I thought it would be or look like. It was something that has stayed with me over the years and I often think about.

I put that little sac of whatever it was into a clean, empty plastic butter container to show Dad when he arrived because I was amazed that I could see whatever it was. We shed some tears, then we buried it. It was a sad time that I went through and even though I got pregnant again right away with Jordan, it’s always been on the back of my mind even now after 4 healthy, successful pregnancies and babies. I think about it a lot.

A month after that loss I found myself pregnant again (with Jordan). At 6 weeks I had an ultrasound and got to see the flickering little heart. At about 8 or 10 weeks I started bleeding again and of course freaked out and rushed to the hospital. I had an ultrasound and there was blinking baby heart again going strong. It turned out I had a bladder infection that I wasn’t aware of and it made me bleed. I got antibiotics and it cleared right up. However, at least once a month after that day during my pregnancy I got bladder infections. It wasn’t fun

Recently while researching what it was that I passed… a sac?, yolk sac?.. whatever it was, I came across this link: Bethany’s Baby and I burst into tears. This is exactly what the thing I passed looked like only a little less defined. It had the slits on the side which would be the arms, and it had little bumps where the legs would be. The eyes weren’t black or defined, which is why I probably didn’t realize what the heck it was… But, seeing this made me realize what it was… and I’m just heartbroken.

I never thought I’d be able to have kids after my miscarriage just out of the fear. Even now if my period is a day late because of messed up sleep schedules or whatever reason, I always think “Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant” and when my period comes “Oh my gosh is this a miscarriage?” it never is, its just my Aunt Flo being an late arrival. But its always on my mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy I have Jordan and I realize he wouldn’t be here had I not lost baby #1 it still is sad to think about. Had I not seen what I saw I don’t think it would have been as real. I didn’t carry baby #1 for long, nor did I give birth to or get to hold my baby.. so I don’t know exactly what Courtney is feeling, but I ask that all my readers please send her love, support and as many prayers as those of you who pray can pray. Her story is heartbreaking, and I just wanted to say that I really, am truly heartbroken by what she and her husband are going through right now. Please go leave her some support.

I haven’t talked about my loss much. I mention it, and if anyone asks about miscarriage I always say I’ve had one. When at the hospital or doctors appointments for my last 4 pregnancies when asked how many times I’ve been pregnant I always include my little Angel. To anyone who has suffered a loss like mine, or any kind of loss of a child.. my heart goes out to you all. Its a rough thing to go through, and I know I’ll never forget it.

Jayden Russell
Born: Saturday June 6th, 2009 @ 3:46am
8lbs 12.5oz
18 inches

Friday I had a normal OB appointment in the afternoon but I couldn’t go. I was in A LOT of pain. I was also losing my mucous plug all week but that day I was getting it heavy and bloody. So after that had stopped at 5pm I was in the backyard with the kids and I felt a gush down there so I ran inside to check. Sure enough it was a TON of bright red blood. I soaked a pair of underwear in the time I felt it gush until I got to the bathroom. I wore a pad and was off to L & D…

Got to Labor & Delivery at the hospital and was contracting every 5 minutes nothing too fancy. They did an exam and said it was either a piece of my placenta tearing away or just early labor (jeeze thanks they told me that for 2 weeks!) so of course again they SENT ME HOME!

By the time I got home and got out of the car I was in TEARS. The contractions were 10x worse and now had gone back into my back… My hubby ran me a warm bath and got the hot water bottle ready for my back. By this time it was 830pm and I was exhausted. I was up since Thursday morning at 3am throwing up and feeling awful. I laid in bed and we watched “Knocked Up” I had 3 more baths during the movie, had the hot water bottle right on my back because I couldn’t get relief AT-ALL……. Finally at 11pm I couldnt handle it anymore and I started calling everyone I knew for a ride to the hospital…

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Last night was awful. I woke up just after 3am and was throwing up, and other things that happen around this time… Finally just after 5am I got back to sleep… Not fun at all…. I was then woken up at 630am by Jordan.. and have pretty much been tossing and turning ever since. Contractions are back at full force they just need to get more close together to really start anything… C’MON contractions!

My lower back is killing me, and my whole body just aches. I have my regular OB appointment this afternoon at 245pm.. I doubt anything will have changed, but I’m hoping to walk a lot today so who knows maybe sometime this weekend baby will arrive. One can wish.

Tomorrow marks 38 weeks! Considering 33 weeks he was ready to make his debut I’d say thats pretty good I’ve made it to the end! I’d be lying if I said I wanted to wait until my due date.. a few weeks ago thats all that was on my mind - now I just want him here, and I want my body to stop hurting. I’ve had a few pain free days but I guess its back to the aches and pains. I haven’t done much of anything in the last 3 days so its not from walking, or straining… I tell you though I have a very low pain tolerance and with every ache and pain my head just throbs. This isn’t fun.

Well, I suppose I should be getting ready. It hurts my back to sit at this computer. The girls just went down for a nap as we’re all going down to the hospital today (there is a HUGE park by the hospital that my hubby is going to wait at with the kids while I’m in my appointment) it’s such a beautiful day and will be nice to have a change for the kids. Later today I’m hoping to look for some satellite radios which a friend of mine has been asking me to help her look into… If I’m up to it that is. We’ll see.

If anything changes or is new you’ll be able to find out on my Twitter. But if not look for another update later today or tomorrow! :D

Well I went to my appointment on Friday…. Turns out I had high blood pressure so not only was I sitting there freaking out over that (never had it before) I was in tears because of the pain I was in. I was checked and I am still 2cm but now am 50% effaced.. Still could be forever.

I was sent home and didn’t even bother mentioning sweeping my membranes. I’m just fed up.

Friday I went for a nice walk around the block 5 times with a friend… then tried everything I could think of to speed things up… NO SUCH LUCK.

Saturday I had the kids out at a friends backyard playing with their kids then brought them home for dinner. I was cramping BAD all day. After dinner they hung out with Dad while some friends and I went for an hour long walk… That kick started everything!

Saturday night I was up ALL NIGHT with strong contractions 4 minutes apart with HORRIBLE back labor. Finally at 645am Sunday I woke my hubby up and told him I wanted to go to the hospital to be checked to see if these contractions were dilating me or not. So he called his mom and she came with me to L&D.

They put me on the monitors and of course I was contracting every 4 minutes like clock work, but of course - no more dilation. However, my blood pressure was checked 4x and it was up still so they sent my blood for blood work. We waited. Bloodwork came back fine. The doctor said had I been in my 38th week instead of 37th week they would have GLADLY swept my membranes for me and helped me out but although I am techincally “term” its still a bit early - hospital policy. So I wait. I’m to drink a lot of fluid, walk about, get on all fours when my back is bothering me and just wait it out. She said I’m going thru “HEAVY early hard labor” - - - Thanks didn’t realize that!

I went through the same thing with Ava - And would have with Kyla too had I not been induced 2 weeks early for her.

With Ava I was a little closer to my due date, and I never went into real preterm labor with her like I did for this one. But with Ava the last week of her being in my belly I was in and out of L&D every single day… Dealing with HARD, long, real contractions that again weren’t dilating me. So finally on August 11th they at 7pm they swept my membranes… 740am August 12th Ava was born. (the day before her due date August 13th)

With Kyla I was in and out of the hospital and L&D even being admitted TWICE because of severe pain, dehydration and whatever else was going on… They decided to induce me 2 weeks early to just stop the misery.

Looking back at my history you’d think they’d be a little more quick to help, but of course that isn’t the case. I’ve found a ton of ways to ease my back labor so it’s just dealing with the contractions now which I can handle. They are really painful but I can manage. The back pain is something I don’t think I’d ever be able to cope with!

Today is the 1st of June.. there’s 19 days until my official due date so we wait. I can’t wait to hold him in my arms and tell him what a pain he was but how much I love him and can’t wait to watch him grow up! :) I’m getting giddy :) Now I need to start looking for some new bathroom faucets . . we’ve been having issues with our bathroom sinks and toilets lately.. It’s driving me nuts but our landlord sent someone last week who “fixed” the problems - well we’re still having the problems so perhaps we should hire someone ourselves.

I am very upset right now. Upset, sad, angry and just generally pissed off would be what I am feeling at this exact moment.

Pregnancy is a very hard thing for a lot of people and to be honest my body has never responded very well to pregnancy, but I’ve always kept my babies, planned for babies and had my babies…

The past 3 days have been horrible. If you are following me on Twitter you’ll know pretty much whats been going on. I’ve pretty much been in early stages of labor since Wednesday night. I’m now dialted 2cm and have been having contractions between 4mins-5mins apart…I also have horrible heartburn, back pain and pressure in my vaginal area. I keep getting the urges to push and that isn’t good because I find myself pushing without being aware I’m doing it.

I went into the hospital Wednesday night… well, Thursday at 2am if I should get technical. They put me on the monitor for 10 minutes, came in checked my cervix. Instead of being 1cm like I was last time I’m 2cm. She said she didn’t know how long and thick I was last time and that was it - Asked where I live, if I could get back if need be and told me to go labor at home.

All fine and dandy but when this is going on for days, I have 3 other children at home not something I can easily do.

My big rant is with my OB… I have an appointment with him today at 1:15 and I’m just generally annoyed. I had this same thing happen with Ava when I was due to have her. I was in and out of the hospital every other day for almost 2 weeks before they decided to “sweep” my membranes which then put me right into labor that night… I can’t go through this again. I can’t keep spending $40 for trips to and from the hospital in taxi’s .. They know my history, they know what I’ve been through and the fact at 33 weeks baby was trying to come out.. I just am frustrated that I get treated so horribly at my appointments. My last appointment 2 weeks ago I didn’t even see my OB I saw his student. She weighed me, took my urine, took my blood pressure…. asked aout my hospital stay when they stopped labor said see you in 2 weeks and that was it.

I was treated very rudely and unfairly at this hospital with my last 2 children. I’ll be damned if I will again. They don’t even listen to me when I TELL them the estimated date they have written down for my LAST PERIOD is wrong - so they have me today at currently 36w,3d when in fact I am 36w,6d… which to them is a HUGE difference and could mean a lot when it comes to what they can do for me and what they cant.

When I go in today I intend on letting my DOCTOR know what has been going on, reminding him of my last baby and pregnancy and seeing if we can talk about having my membranes stripped again to help me along. I cannot lay in bed for another 3 days.. i cannot be dizzy, and see things blurry when I stand up, I can’t throw up after every meal I eat… 37 weeks is perfect for a baby to be born it is considered full term.

YES, 40 weeks and my due date is when I would LOVE baby to make his debut but in reality that won’t be happening, instead I’ll suffer until they get annoyed with me enough to induce me which I DO NOT want… which my children DO NOT NEED and just by my history alone should make them think twice and actually spend 5 minutes with me discussing with me what should/shouldnt happen… At least give me suggestions to ease the contraction pain, the throwing up and the dizziness or look at my files and figure something else out.

I dunno.. I’m very upset. And in a lot of pain. I’ve got a VERY low pain tolerance and for me to even bring up the words “Sweeping of the membranes” shows how much agony I am in. I’ve gone into labor on my own once, I’ve been induced once and I’ve had help with a membranes sweep to help progress labor I was having on my own and I’d much rather do it naturally on my own in my own time…. but with my history, how slow and painful things are and with 3 kids at home its not realistic.

We’ll see what happens this afternoon at my appointment. Probably nothing, but I won’t be leaving without saying whats on my mind and how I’m feeling…. Hospitals and Doctors shouldn’t treat every one the same - shouldn’t spend 2 minutes with their patients and be done… Everyone is different, every pregnancy is DIFFERENT. They should be treated as such…..

I have no doubt in my mind that I will be having this baby early. How early? I don’t know but I do know I won’t make it to my due date. Well, I don’t know but its a feeling and the fact I’ve been having contractions randomly and regularly that are very intense and very painful paint a pretty clear picture for me.

Yesterday I was having cramps all day again. I laid down for most of the day then took the girls for a walk up to Jord’s school so they could play while we waited for school to let out. I felt awesome on the walk there the breeze was perfect, the weather was beautiful.. on the way back I started to get a bit hot but still it was a great walk. I continued to have cramps but nothing too serious until about last night around 7pm. My contractions started to come every 9 minutes or so at first they weren’t so bad I could talk through them and everything was fine. But by 9pm I couldn’t speak, I had to move positions and even started getting annoyed when my hubby would ask “are you having one?” and “are you ok?” poor guy I snapped at him a few times!

My contractions were between 5-3 minutes each… which when I called L&D they told me to wait it out and if my contractions were consistant at 3 minutes apart to come in…. They were at times but at times would jump back to 5 minutes.

By 11 or so I was on all 4’s on my bed and getting my hubby to rub my lower back very hard… That did nothing but make me feel like I was going to throw up. I went and had a warm bath thinking it would ease some of the pain and pressure in my lower back. It didn’t. I started to get a headache from the intensity of the contractions so I took my migraine medication and I kept trying to get comfortable. I FINALLY at one point passed out and didn’t wake up until 730am this morning. Of course I woke up with a migraine from hell, and of course litterally 1 minute after opening my eyes my contractions started again.

Today they’ve been very random. Very intense but random. I have my doctors appointment Friday afternoon… but if need be I’ll go down to the hospital. I plan on doing very little today. My house is spotless, the kids are being kept inside or we’ll go in the backyard so I don’t have to chase them all over (thank heaves for a fenced in backyard!) I’m feeling pretty good minus the random contractions, mild back pain and cramping….

If you haven’t already filled out to be apart of my Baby Game Pool I suggest you do.. It’ll be interesting to see who gets the closest! I think I want to change my vote :/

Tuesday was my hubby’s day off.

It started like any other day I put away laundry while hubby had the kids in the playroom.. as the day went on I had some mild cramps in my lower abdoman. I didn’t think anything of it I just figured it was gas or I was doing a little too much. So I didn’t do anything else for the day I just sat outside had BBQ and then eventually laid on the couch.

These cramps were an all day thing. Coming and going but I did have really lower cramps that didn’t leave. I had a bubble bath at 730pm and by 8pm I was in bed watching a movie with my hubby. 830pm contractions started. At first they were 8 minutes apart and a bit painful.. but by the time they hit 3 minutes apart not only were they VERY painful but they were right in my back also. By 1145pm they were 2 minutes apart and I knew this wasn’t braxton hicks (braxton hicks dont hurt and usually dont come like these were!) and it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. We called hubbys mom and she came to stay with the kids while my hubby and I left for the hospital.

At the hospital They put me on monitors my contractions were indeed 2 minutes apart and coming VERY strong. They decided to admit me because I was indeed in preterm labor and they wanted to start giving me steroids to mature baby’s lungs in case he did decide to come early. By 3am they put a patch on my arm to stop contractions. By 4am they put patch #2 on because #1 wasn’t doing anything. My hubby had to leave at 5am to go home and get some sleep so his mom to go get ready for work. I tossed and turned from about 530am-7am having nurses come in and out every 15 minutes…. But by 7am my contractions had stopped.

They checked my cervix when I first got to the hospital. It was fine, long and thick. Around 3am they checked again and I was 1cm and the doctor could feel the top of baby’s head and hair! Thank goodness the patches stopped labor because otherwise I would have had a baby in the NICU right now.

They wanted to keep me to make sure contactions had stopped and not just were stopping for the patches.. Yesterday around 7pm my 2nd patch fell off so they just watched to see what happened. These patches are so powerful all yesterday all I did was lay in the hospital bed throwing up and with a migraine. Migraine that NOTHING took away - they even tried Morphine… NOTHING. It was awful. Mother in law came to my house yesterday after work so hubby to come back up for an hour and hang out with me. I had a really good night they monitored the baby last night and I had a few braxton hicks contractions that didn’t hurt and indeed did show up on the monitor but if they don’t hurt - its totally fine. I had a TON of bleeding though - all dark brown blood which they think is from the exams and could also be mixed with my mucous plug since during the exams they saw a ton of mucous and its really stringy and thick (sorry TMI!) . . . as long as its not bright red, and its not all is good! :)

I had to get the needle of the steroids every 12 hours while I was there to help make his lungs stronger but I also had a strip test done that concluded I wouldn’t be going into labor within the next week so that was very reassuring to the doctors. So this morning at 11am I was released… If I have any cramps, bleeding or contractions I have to go right back in - so I’m watching closely and takign it easy. My mother in law is coming over after work to make dinner and hang out with me and the kids and help get them to bed!

Now I am home.. Missing my kids terribly the whole time I was gone - I cried a lot over missing them and not being able to be with them. Of course I talked to them on the phone but its not the same! Jordan is at school I’m dying to see him at 330! And the girls are napping … can’t wait for them to get up!

Anyways, thats the happenings from the last few days. I’m so glad to be home, with baby still holding on in my tummy! As long as he stays in there 2-3 more weeks that would be amazing! May 30th would be ideal but if hes gonna come hes gonna come, I just dont want him here too soon! STAY BABY STAY! :)

Ok… where do I start??

EASYHOME = SLEAZYHOME
I’m beyond livid regarding my laptop. We took it back yesterday and we had a full month’s payment that we SHOULD have gotten back. But of course instead they would ONLY give us “Store credit”. OK. I don’t want store credit. I will NEVER lease anything from that place again. Everything we’ve ever leased has been broken, or has broken shortly after getting it. The prices are so outrageous. Of course I knew that before leasing the laptop about the prices but after the third time of being open the laptop snapped that should have been a clue. I’m so beyond pissed. So now we have a $100 credit (from the 20th-2nd it cost $60 go figure!) that we will never use, and I’m really pissed about this. No where in the contract or any papers we’ve gotten does it say no refunds only store credit. Never again will I lease or use Easyhome in any way shape or form, and I will tell EVERYONE I know to steer clear of it. Not only do they double charge you for leasing products but apparently they steal your money too. Discusting.

PREGNANCY
Yesterday marked 33 weeks in my pregnancy. I’m very excited about this. I’m very anxious, and excited. I’m not wanting him to come before hes ready but we’re so ready for him! We can’t wait to meet him and the kids couldn’t be any more excited. Also, last night was the first night in 3 nights I got any sleep. I had to take tylenol and some cold medicine (safe kind) though because I had a migraine so bad from my sinus’ that I almost had to go to the hospital for an IV for the migraine. Thankfully it didn’t get that far I was able to fall asleep and although I did wake up a lot to pee, or roll over to reposition and get comfortable again I actually got SOME sleep and that is all I wanted and really needed. I was able to enjoy the day today without being so tired and it was great!

TODAY
Today Jordan went to his best friend’s birthday party. At Chuck E Cheese. He had a blast…. While he was off at the party hubby, the girls and I went to get a few groceries. We came home put the groceries away, Ava had a nap and then we all headed out back for a late BBQ lunch. We had yummy BBQ hamburgers! So good. Jordan came home and I had the kids outside for the rest of the day until dinner. We all ate some yummy chicken and went out back to play in the sandbox. The girls just had their bath and are now watching some Barney and relaxing before snack, story and bedtime! Jordan is riding his bike around the driveway and palying with some sidewalk chalk…So far its been a great day… it was so beautiful outside, I do love this weather although I tend to overheat really quickly.

ALL IN ALL
This post was rambles but thats what this site is about! :) I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend, and this weather if you have it! It’s supposed to rain a lot this coming week which is not great news for my family of little ones who love to be outdoors. We’ll just have to hope for lots of incorrect weather reports. Anyway - In need of some diet pills? Trying to lose some weight? Already lost some weight? Share some secrets with me so I can get on track after baby is born.. It’s coming so soon!

So I lost the item I was bidding on through eBay. Thats ok though because instead I searched the “buy now” option and found a really cute diaper bag that I’ve wanted for a little while and snatched that up. I’m still very nervous though because I’ve never bought anything off eBay. Let’s hope it actually comes and I am not one of the ton that gets ripped off. Here’s a pic of it. It’s “Happy Bambi” so so cute….

On another note I’ve gone back to yet again - no sleeping! Last night was AWFUL. Not only have I been having horrible, horrible round ligament pains but if I move too quickly it feels like I pull something in my lower abdoman and it drives me nuts. Last night I couldn’t get comfortable and it was WAY too hot in my bedroom. I don’t know why or how because we had our window open and our fan going right on us.. but wow, It took until well after 3am for me to fall asleep and when I did I was then up every few minutes to pee, or move a cat off the bed or hearing car horns honking… It was bad. Today I’m surprised I’m not grumpy or falling asleep.. Which is good because the kids don’t deserve a grumpy Mommy or a falling asleep Mommy either! I’ll be 33 weeks on Saturday so the end is near…. but then starts the whole other kind of “Sleepless nights” I am however up for the challenge!

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This week with your pregnancy/baby:

This week your baby should be in a head-down position. Ninety-six percent of all babies present head first by the time labor begins. If your fetus is breech, your provider might consider turning it manually. Read more information on fetal presentation.

Are your friends throwing you a baby shower? Start planning your layette list—here’s what you need to begin!

What’s Happening with Your Body

Only a few weeks to go and you’re probably counting down the days! No wonder, with all the aches and pains throughout your body. But along with a sore back and swollen ankles, you may notice less painful signs that delivery day is around the corner. A whitish to clear fluid may leak out of your breasts. This foremilk, called colostrum, will sustain your baby for the first few days of his life if you choose to breastfeed. You may also have a whitish, vaginal discharge called leukorrhea. This is normal throughout pregnancy and will increase as you approach delivery.

How Big Is Baby?

Your unborn baby weighs around four pounds and stretches to over 11 and one-half inches in length (crown to rump).

It’s getting close and I’m feeling a bit anxious now!!! I can’t wait. I am loving every minute of being pregnant but I’m so ready to meet our baby boy. Our kids are ready, we’re ready! I am anxious but I’m hoping with the weather being so wonderful lately the time will start to fly on by. The past few days I’ve hardly been getting online because my kids are outside crazy and I’ve had them outside playing, playing with kids from 2 doors down, and at the park. I’m starting to get really tired of people saying I look like I’m ready to give birth already and “oh my god you are so big” seriously - just stop. Or else I’m going to take my family and go on a cruise and never look back! Well, one can wish right? :) It didn’t really start bothering me until recently. Because it seems everyone has to tell me. Oh well 8 weeks to go until I’m due so I’ll suck it up until then!