Well I can’t say it got here quick enough but its finally August!

We move in 15 sleeps, my husband will be home in 14 sleeps! Let’s get a move on this! I’m ready to go!

I still have a bit of packing left to do! Not much but there’s a bit. I’m still working on a mountian of laundry that needs to be finished and packed. I’m ready to make this and start our lives fresh in the big city! Let’s gooo….

I was going to let my hosting expire but I decided to pay it at least keep it going another month! I think come September or October I will buy a new domain and start fresh. We’ll see though.

An idiot I know in real life knows this site address, and I know he’s creeping my life so… Hiiiii! :P

Anyways, welcome August! August 16th can’t come soon enough!

Well just so everyone knows I am alive! I don’t have the internet anymore… My mouse broke so I figured I might as well cut my internet off and have 1 less bill…

Well I guess now is a good of time as any to announce… We are moving. We are moving to the big city of Toronto! August 16th is the big day! I cannot wait.

I am blogging from my blackberry right now, they have a wordpress app…. Did you know that? I sure didn’t. Anyways, now that I have discovered this I can blog again via my BB until we are settled and with internet again in Toronto!

I can’t wait to blog about moving, and the experience of going from a small city with a population of 118, 000 people to a city with a population of 2 million plus! Its insane…

Hope I haven’t lost too many readers, I have a lot to blog about and share… I will be back tomorrow with a much better update! For now its off to bed I go!

I dunno about you but I’ve love to one day own a home with a build in screening room/home theatre type thing! Having a huge tv and a ton of home theater seating would be awesome! Especially for the kids. Who needs to waste money going to the theatre when you can have it right in your own home! I dunno, something to think about! :)

I apologize for not being very present here on my site for the last few days. I’m going through a lot at home, and if you follow me on Twitter you know what I mean. I promise to get back into it though, and start blogging everyday again. I shouldn’t have even been away, it helps keep my mind of BS. :)

I’ve been pregnant five times in my life. FIVE.

Thats a big number. I have 4 living children. I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t remember the loss that I suffered back in early November of 2002.

I was 6 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding. I didn’t know what the heck was going on but once the pain showed up I knew. I went to the hospital and was told I was having a miscarriage there was nothing I could do I had to go home and wait it out, they gave me a prescription for the pain with instructions I was to go back in for an Ultrasound the next day. So, I did. There was no heartbeat on the baby at this time, but it was still in there. So, I had to keep waiting.

Later on that day I passed a HUGE ball with lots of blood on it on some toilet paper. I of course being the sicko I am washed it off and looked at it. it wasn’t red, it didn’t look like blood it was a beige looking thing with black in the center which I couldn’t figure out what it was. There was 2 lines down the side and it just looked like a pear shaped blob. It was not what I thought it would be or look like. It was something that has stayed with me over the years and I often think about.

I put that little sac of whatever it was into a clean, empty plastic butter container to show Dad when he arrived because I was amazed that I could see whatever it was. We shed some tears, then we buried it. It was a sad time that I went through and even though I got pregnant again right away with Jordan, it’s always been on the back of my mind even now after 4 healthy, successful pregnancies and babies. I think about it a lot.

A month after that loss I found myself pregnant again (with Jordan). At 6 weeks I had an ultrasound and got to see the flickering little heart. At about 8 or 10 weeks I started bleeding again and of course freaked out and rushed to the hospital. I had an ultrasound and there was blinking baby heart again going strong. It turned out I had a bladder infection that I wasn’t aware of and it made me bleed. I got antibiotics and it cleared right up. However, at least once a month after that day during my pregnancy I got bladder infections. It wasn’t fun

Recently while researching what it was that I passed… a sac?, yolk sac?.. whatever it was, I came across this link: Bethany’s Baby and I burst into tears. This is exactly what the thing I passed looked like only a little less defined. It had the slits on the side which would be the arms, and it had little bumps where the legs would be. The eyes weren’t black or defined, which is why I probably didn’t realize what the heck it was… But, seeing this made me realize what it was… and I’m just heartbroken.

I never thought I’d be able to have kids after my miscarriage just out of the fear. Even now if my period is a day late because of messed up sleep schedules or whatever reason, I always think “Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant” and when my period comes “Oh my gosh is this a miscarriage?” it never is, its just my Aunt Flo being an late arrival. But its always on my mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy I have Jordan and I realize he wouldn’t be here had I not lost baby #1 it still is sad to think about. Had I not seen what I saw I don’t think it would have been as real. I didn’t carry baby #1 for long, nor did I give birth to or get to hold my baby.. so I don’t know exactly what Courtney is feeling, but I ask that all my readers please send her love, support and as many prayers as those of you who pray can pray. Her story is heartbreaking, and I just wanted to say that I really, am truly heartbroken by what she and her husband are going through right now. Please go leave her some support.

I haven’t talked about my loss much. I mention it, and if anyone asks about miscarriage I always say I’ve had one. When at the hospital or doctors appointments for my last 4 pregnancies when asked how many times I’ve been pregnant I always include my little Angel. To anyone who has suffered a loss like mine, or any kind of loss of a child.. my heart goes out to you all. Its a rough thing to go through, and I know I’ll never forget it.

People often ask me if I have any regrets from anything in my life. I usually say no. Because, at first thought I don’t. Usually they are asking if I regret having Jordan at such a young age. Because I got pregnant at 17, had him at 18 and people think that’s such a huge big deal. To me it’s not, it’s what I wanted. He’s a happy, healthy, energetic 6 1/2 year-old boy now who is full of life and no one could tell he was from a teenage mother. I don’t see what the big deal is.

Like I said, at first thought I don’t have any regrets in my life. But when I actually sit down and think about it I have a few things I would work on / change if I had the option.

1. Treating my mom: Before my mom died I was very, very angry at her. I just turned 16 and was already angry at the world, but my mom was dying and there was nothing I could do about it. I was angry at her for smoking, I was angry at her for getting cancer. I was angry at her because more than likely the smoking caused the lung cancer. I was just angry. Often I took it out on her. If I could go back, I’d change it. I’d change it all. If I couldn’t change the fact she got sick and was dying, I’d change the fact I was so awful to her at the end. She was my best friend, and I know she understood, but I have no excuses other than I was angry. So, so, so angry.

2. Friendships: So many friendships in my life have come and gone. I regret the ones that I let come and go so often. I’m way too understanding and forgiving. I now realize that yes, friends come and go.. but the ones that you keep letting come and go, are the ones that should stay gone forever. I’ve recently started to weed out anyone I find negative, or “fair weather” friends… Who needs people like that in their life? Surely, not me.

3. Honesty: Funny as this may sound, I really regret being so honest. In general. In everyday life, why must I be so honest? I guess it’s my nature, and how I was raised but it sometimes gets me in a lot of trouble. Don’t get me wrong I love never having to be called a liar, or having to defend myself because I was caught in a lie. There’s no better feeling than being an honest, forth coming person… except at times, when it could be necessary to lie.. here I go telling the truth and digging myself a hole :) I can say though although I regret how honest I am, it will never change. I am who I am, and always will be. I guess it’s not something to regret, or dislike.. it’s something I should be proud of and love but

4. Parenting Advice: Again, as funny or odd as this may sound I regret listening to parenting advice from ANYONE. Why? because all babies, children and families are different. What may work for you, might not work for someone else. After Jordan I learned to do my own thing, and just smile and nod when anyone tries to give me advice. I try my best not to answer questions when people have them on mb’s or forums, unless the question is directed at me then I will give my opinion on what worked best, or what I did with my children. In my opinion there is nothing worse than a “Know-it-all mother” because guess what? No one knows it all. Ask me anything and I will give you my honest answer, and opinion but its what worked for me, my children and my family. I regret taking anyone’s advice because it then makes most moms feel like they know it all and their answer is right.. when usually, it’s not. To each their own, and for every baby theres another story and another method that works.

not very many “Regrets” and most of them aren’t really regrets. Just thoughts on things I could/would change. I don’t harp on any of these things, I just think about them from time to time. I wouldn’t change much about my past, besides #1 if I really had the chance to do so. But, Like my bio here on amommysramblings states:

I am nowhere near perfect. I am a product of my mistakes, my failures and my accomplishments.

It’s true. No one is perfect, and everyone is a product of their mistakes, failures and accomplishments. You are who you are, I am who I am. Life is only so long, and then it’s gone.

It’s just something to think about.

Well I hope everyone had a good weekend. I know I did!

Yesterday morning I went with my neighbor and friend’s mom to the Casino! We originally planned to go to Bingo but at the last minute decided on the Casino. It was my first time going and I wasn’t sure what to expect but I had a blast. The slot machines are so much fun! I only took $35 because it was what I was taking to Bingo… and I came home with $25. Within 5 minutes of us being there she won $50…. and right before we left she won $80. I’m jealous of her luck, but it was so much fun. Next time I’m going to be taking more money lol.. Its way too much fun, and although it can really be addictive thank goodness I don’t drive and its like 30 minutes out of our city! I hope to go once a month or every few months just to have some time to myself. My hubby goes to his meetings, so I’d like to do something too.. but in moderation. Losing money isn’t something I want to do weekly! :)

After the casino I came home and had a great day with the family outside. Jayden napped for a bit so we brought the monitor outside with us and hung out on the lawn. The kids wrote on the driveway with some chalk, they were running around and having a blast. The weather is incredible and will be this whole week. I’m glad, but in a way I hope for rain or something so I can get the things I need to get done inside done.. the nice weather hinders me from doing what I need to do because I always want to enjoy it and take my kids out to enjoy it.

Today we were suppose to be heading up to Jordan’s school at 330p when school let out for a meeting with his teacher. But she litterally just called me 10 minutes ago to tell me we’d have to switch it for Wednesday as she had to leave right after school today. UGH. I was a little upset because my hubby is getting off work early for it, and the kids Jordan rides his bike to school with know they don’t have to meet him as his class after school because we were going to go up there and get him. So, instead we are just going to walk up and pick him up.. we’ll let the girls ride their bikes and that way we still get in a family walk!

That will be fun… Well, I just put the kids down for a nap so they won’t be grumpy for our walk or be too tired… so I should get my butt in gear and start some more laundry, and I need to dust/wash all the glass in this house! Hope everyone is having a great Monday.. I’m still feeling like crap, this cold doesn’t seem to be getting any better.. so, perhaps you all are having a much better day than I am!

I can’t believe it’s already the last day of April. This month seems to have flown by.. We’ve been so busy, the weather has been rather nice I didn’t even notice how quickly it went by! Here’s to hoping May is a great month!

Well, as most of you who frequent my blog know my hubby got a new job a few weeks ago. He’s now got two, but thank goodness for job #2 because the night before last I just happened to go to our local paper website and saw that an underground parking garage at my husband’s new place of employment (job #1) collapsed. It’s just under the restaurant where he works (it’s a hotel) and the next morning we got a phone call telling us about it from his boss. His work will now be closed for 2 weeks. I’m so glad no one was hurt when this occurred, and I’m even more glad he wasn’t working there that night. He was scheduled to work yesterday, which obviously didn’t happen. So glad he has this other job which is Mon - Fri from 730a to 4p and he works it when hes not working at the hotel.. so he’s been there all week. Thank goodness for us because we can’t have him out of a job even if it is just for 2 weeks. Here is a photo from our local newspaper showing 1 out of 12 cars that fell with the floor of the parking garage:

There was another better picture posted but I couldn’t seem to find it just now. No one was hurt, and they aren’t sure what caused it to collapse but they are doing a few investigations I will post when it’s released. So moving on..I’m feeling well after my attack yesterday. I had a little dinner and didn’t eat much after that last night. I was a little afraid to eat. But, all is well. Today I have a headache which feels like it’s quickly turning into a migraine. I’m hoping when Jayden wakes up and I can go into my room that I’ll be able to take one of my migraine meds and it will work quickly but we’ll see. Lately, I have been feeling so great when it comes to my headaches/migraines ever since my migraine med dose was upped. I have a feeling this one today is due to my AF though. Fun. Not.

Hmm, I have to run out later on when my hubby gets home from work. I want to run to the Bulk Barn and get some baking/cooking goods and I have to go to the grocery store. I can’t believe the amount of fruit, veggies, snacks and food we go through in a month. I swear every 20ish days I’m back at the grocery store! I do huge shops too.. Where do these kids put it all???? ::JEALOUS::

I am not a fan of smoking or cigars but Black and Mild cigars aren’t so bad smelling. I suppose! ;) A friend of mine enjoys a cigar and when hes around it doesn’t bother me. I’d prefer that to smoking. The smell of cigarette smoke really gets to me, and I don’t like it around my kids at all! Totally random, but I wanted to throw this in here!

I’ve been saying it every post but this is the last time I’ll get to say it now! Today is your last chance to enter my giveaway for 2 free STARBUCKS gift cards worth $15… get your entries in NOW! The drawing will be tonight at 11:59p EST and I’ll post the winner tomorrow here on AMR!

The past few days have been hard. The 17th because it was my mom’s Birthday, and I got sick all over again. I started feeling my throat start to hurt again on the 16th but I didn’t think anything of it because I just did a course of medicine for Strep Throat and I didn’t think it would come back again… Well, as it turns out. It did. Just my luck right? So, I didn’t want to go on the 17th to the hospital because my hubby worked all day, then had a meeting to go to that night and it wasn’t “full blown” yet. I guess I should have went because the next morning I woke up hardly able to swallow. On top of the left side of my throat hurting every time I swallowed, along with my ear my whole throat felt like I had a big ball or a huge orange sized ball of something stuck in the back of my throat. That was not fun. I got up and went to the hospital.

Once again am on a prescription for the exact same medicine they had me on oh 2 weeks ago. So hopefully this second dose will do the trick. If not, OH BOY I am not going to be a happy camper.

My mom’s Birthday I think went great. I talked to my sister through text message, and my mom’s best friend called me that evening. I had a few times during the day while looking at pictures and just sitting remembering when I teared up. I didn’t cry though until later on in the night when my hubby and I were sitting in bed.. Him watching tv, me surfing the web. I started thinking about my mom which made me sad, getting a puppy (wait for tomorrows post!) which made me happy and the cat we had given away. A lot of emotions good and bad were going on through my head and I just felt a huge ball of tears coming and I let it out. Oh well, better to let ‘em out them keep them in there I guess, right? My mom is in a better place, although I sometimes think that’s a crock and it would be better for her to be here with me and her grandchildren… that’s life. I accept it, but twice a year it gets a bit emotional.

I was looking through a box of my moms old things yesterday and came across a little box with old, old, old gold coins. I remember her getting them, and getting all the “Millennium” quarters as collections and thought they would be a great keepsake to give to the kids when they are older. I have a lot of her ceramics and pictures to give to them as well. They won’t live their lives not knowing who she is - or any of the family members we’ve lost in both families. I’m very passionate about family as you all can see, so their memories will always be in our hearts!

… Tomorrow I’ll have some exciting news to share. Jordan sometimes looks at my site, so I’m hoping what I wrote above he won’t catch.. So I won’t be able to post pics or actually say what it is because its a surprise to the kids! So tomorrow afternoon I’ll share the exciting family news with you. If you follow me on twitter you probably already know, but still come and read about it!

Also, today I will be doing the random.org drawing for my adult giveaway. You have until 11:59pm EST tonight to enter so get your entries in!

Lately death has really been on my mind. Not me dying, or anything crazy like that but anniversaries of deaths are coming up in my family, and its rather sad.. Soon I’ll be making a post about my mom - her birthday is April 17th - and that day is always a rough one for me. That and the day she passed… How many of my readers have wills drawn up? I think that’s something I’m going to be looking into doing really soon..

Also, how crazy are life insurance quotes lately? my gosh. I’m so glad I’m rather healthy, and don’t have to worry about that yet although with kids its better to be safe than sorry… Although, I plan to live forever! :D